I realize a good chunk of the folks reading this live in Los Angeles and another solid group go there multiple times a year. I also realize that there is something new to do/see/eat in LA every six hours. So why this list? Because it’s always useful to have something handy for that friend who’s visiting from out of town and doesn’t know San Vicente from…well, the other San Vicente. And because quite frankly, as with any city, the classics always best the latest, so 90% of this list will still be applicable in six months or six years, and you may just find a little secret or two you never knew (Greystone Mansion anyone? The best breakfast is actually in Alhambra?)

Okay, here we go!

WHERE TO STAY

The first thing to know is that there are some great hotels in LA and none of them are conveniently located. The most fun parts of town are all East which is the most dis-serviced area as far as lodging is concerned. If you want to be by the beach your options are better, but you will then be so far from the heart of town that you may as well surrender and just admit you’re on a beach trip and not a visit to Los Angeles.

If you don’t care about a practical location, my two favorites are the Chateau Marmont and the Bel Air Hotel. The Chateau needs no description, it still retains all its mystique, charm, and cache, and if you get a little bungalow, you’ll feel like the star that you are. The Bel Air is a smaller, more intimate version of the Beverly Hills Hotel which is only worth visiting for its timeless Fountain Coffeeshop counter in the basement and the fish tacos at the Polo Lounge—the rest feels like a bunch of Midwest businessmen in town for a pharma convention. The grounds of the Bel Air though are discrete, magical, and so well hidden that you feel you are an entire world removed from any city on earth. I love it.

By the beach there is the big old Casa Del Mar with ocean views, mediocre food, and rooms decorated to make you feel at a wealthy family member’s beach house in Martha’s Vineyard. On a much smaller scale is The Gjelina Hotel, 27 rooms rooms overseen by the West Side culinary royalty behind Gjusta and their eponymous flagship restaurant. As long as you promise to wear one of those blue Italian workman jackets every bearded-and-bunned Westsider sports to appear like they are “of the people”, you’ll fit right in.

If you do want to be closer to all the fun stuff though, the only place I can recommend is a mini oasis on one of the city’s shittiest streets, that just happens to be three minutes from one of the city’s best parks, and another 5-10 minutes from all the best neighborhoods. The Cara Hotel is a former crappy hotel that is now under the management of the son of the managers of Claridge’s in London, and he clearly learned a thing of two from his parents. Despite the sad bones, they have done a a great job sprucing up this former by-the-hour spot into nicely appointed rooms.

One final East Side spot to note is the Palihouse’s Silverlake Pool and Inn which would feel right at home as a re-vamped motel in the Catskills, and offers a clean bed, an overcrowded pool, and again, proximity to great neighborhoods.

PARKS AND HIKES

One of the best parts of Los Angeles are the readily accessible hikes, both along the coast, and around the east side of town. Definitely avoid Runyon Canyon unless you want to spot people desperately trying to spot celebrities. Instead hit up one of the following…

Griffith Park has endless amounts of trails. Many of them lead to, or intersect the observatory which itself is a great destination. It is open to the public every night to peer into its massive telescopes, and during the day it’s a beautiful water break for the half way point on a hike. One great starting/finish point is the Trails Cafe (but avoid it on the weekends!) up to the Observatory, while a longer loop would include Hogback Trail to Mount Hollywood, including the enchanting little wooden bridge along Henry’s Trail.

A fun little fact: a few blocks away across the 101 Freeway is the Iconic Hollywood Bowl, one of the best outdoor concert venues in the world. It also happens to be a public park. So on days when there aren’t any shows, you are free to walk into the arena during the day, marvel at the architecture, and if you’re in a fitness kinda mood, run the flights of stairs up and down for one of the city’s most unique workouts.

Out in Malibu, two of my favorite places to hike are Point Mugu State Park and Solstice Canyon, the former featuring endless expanses of tall golden grasses and bluffs overlooking the Pacific, while the latter is a shaded respite for those hot summer months.

If you’re out here in the spring time, make sure to see if the poppy fields in Lancaster are in bloom. They tend to cause hordes of people decamping to the high desert to take pictures of themselves, but mid-week you may beat the crowds and be blown away by the psychedelic orange blooms. Otherwise, another nearby treat is El Mirage Dry Lake Bed. You’ve seen it countless times in music videos, car commercials, and more. Its smooth, cracked surface looks like another world, and after paying an entrance fee, you can drive out onto the lakebed and do what you want. My advice? Rent a badass car for the day and push the needle as far as you dare…I once hit 147mph in a friend’s Porsche and it was the time of my life.

If you’re in town with a small child and you’ve always dreamed of visiting a sprawling European estate but only had the funds to get to LA, treat yourself to a stroll through the oft-overlooked Greystone Mansion. While you can’t access the home itself, the manicured grounds in this Beverly Hills park are stunning and perfect for letting a tot run across lush grass.

Oh and speaking of gardens, if you are a botanical enthusiast, don’t miss Pasadena’s Huntington Gardens, with their global growths, ranging from Japanese Zen sanctuaries to desert cacti expanses. And if you go to the trouble to head out that far, make sure to go a bit farther afield for lunch at Yang’s Kitchen. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

ART

Okay, I’m a New Yorker, sometimes arrogantly so, and it’s therefore hard for me to admit that the art scene in LA these days is somewhat more inspiring than what’s going on back East. Below I’ll outline a few museums, and then simply list the best galleries. I’d suggest taking a peek at what’s on view beforehand because like all galleries, the spaces themselves are just blank walls, it’s what they’re showing that’s worth the trek (or not).

The Broads The city’s wealthiest art patrons have two temples of contemporary art, their eponymous downtown behemoth—perhaps more interesting for its architecture than the art within—and a major pavilion at the LACMA that consistently has great shows and a dazzling Barbara Krueger-designed elevator.

The Hammer Museum UCLA’s small but powerful space always puts on exceptional exhibitions and is also home to an Alice Waters/David Tanis restaurant that may not be as inspired as Chez Panisse but is nonetheless above average for museum fare.

The Museum of Jurassic Technology Okay, this one is an only-in-LA kinda thing. The less I tell you, the better. But imagine if Charlie Kauffman and Nathan Fielder got together and brainstormed a museum: this would be it. By appointment only, if you’re looking for something way out of the ordinary to do, this…this is it.

In absolutely no order whatsoever, here are a list of the city’s best galleries to visit. Karma, Perrotin, Zwirner, Hauser&Wirth, Gagosian, Matthew Brown, Kordansky, Friedman/Benda, Ghebaly Gallery, Deitch Projects

Just one snap in my photo library of Just One Eye

SHOPPING

The good news is there is some great shopping to be done in town, the bad news is that with very few exceptions, all the best stores are next to….absolutely nothing at all. So “discoveries” are few and far between. But at least you got yourself a nice rental car (please tell me you got yourself a nice rental car), you figured out that 89.9 is KCRW, and you finally get to catch up with your parents via speakerphone as you drive 45 minutes from one dope spot to another.

HOME

The LA outposts of NY favs BDDW and Future Perfect are as wonderful as you’d expect them to be, with FP taking the cake, having rented out the iconic 1916 former home of MGM CEO Samuel Goldwyn to showcase their one-of-a-kind furnishings. Much smaller in scope and ambition is the lovely Tortoise General Shop that stocks all manner of small Japanese house wear, from cast iron pots to the most fragile glasses ever blown.

CLOTHING

For everyone who needs their fix of Comme Des Garçons and Rose Bakery, there is a Dover Street Market downtown, somewhat near Departemento, LA’s own answer to the global mini-chain of high-end fashion. If you want to look like someone who says “this shirt is important”, this is where you’ll want to shop.

Just One Eye is just as impressive for what’s on it’s racks as what’s on its walls. The store boasts massive Damien Hirst canvases and more, due to the strong curatorial skills of its owner.

If you’re looking for a more down-to-earth style, I’ve always loved the Japanese-centric collections available at Mohawk General Store in Silverlake.

ETC…

For records, it may have moved and shrunk, but Amoeba Records is still an unbeatable temple to vinyl.

For books, there are a few great options including the incredibly pretentious Arcana, where touching their plastic-covered art books is strictly verboten. The Last Bookshop in Downtown with its exceptional kids section, and Hauser and Wirth’s mighty bookshop in the Arts District. There’s an amazing all-cookbook shop in Chinatown called Now Serving, while two great straight-forward neighborhood bookshops are Skylight Books in Los Feliz and Diesel in the Brentwood Countrymart.

And speaking of the Brentwood Countrymart, if you’re on the Westside make sure to stop in to this eden of bourgeois consumerism. Like an East Hampton of the West, this idyllic enclave has everything we love about LA: Rose Creamery ice cream, James Perse clothing, the most art-directed post office in America, Irene Neuwirth jewelry (Broken English is great too), and Farmshop for all your pantry needs.

Which leads me right to…

FOOD SHOPPING

There is no better place in America to shop for produce than the Hollywood and Santa Monica Farmers’ markets. From stalls offering a dozen varietals of avocados to year-round blackberries that burst with juicy sweetness, heirloom cherimoyas and passion fruits and soooooo much more. The stalls you absolutely must visit (many of these are set up at both the FMs) are JJ’s Lone Daughter Ranch for their juices, Bacon avocados (the best varietal ever) and exotic citrus, JG Berries, Aris for the richest, creamiest yoghurt you will ever have, Lily’s Eggs, when in season the Bahri dates from the Date Man, and any meat from Pork+Flowers. Also, the tiny little stand selling fresh seafood from Santa Barbara is out of this world.

If you can’t wake up at 7am to beat the lines and find parking at these markets that open at 8, do not despair! There are a handful of spots around town that offer the best of the market all week long, namely Cookbook (the one on Larchmont is the biggest by far), LA Homefarm (which also has beautiful local ceramics, floral arrangements and artworks for sale), and the aforementioned Farmshop.

Finally, if you want to look like a health-conscious influencer or unemployed actor squandering his final residual check on chia pudding, you’ll definitely want to hit up Erewhon, the city’s most expensive chain of supermarkets. Splurge on their juices and prepared dishes as most of their packaged goods can be found elsewhere in town for literally a third of the price. My last trip there led to discovering a small bag of tortilla chips for $15.

RESTAURANTS

Okay, this category is what made me put off doing an LA write-up for so long because I simply didn’t know where to begin. The choices are overwhelming, in every single category. But then I took a breath and realized that I should probably only highlight those places I keep coming back to trip after trip. Much like if you are a real New Yorker, you aren’t going to far-flung boroughs for a different birria ramen every night of the week. You have your neighborhood haunts and then a few outliers. So, with that in mind, please don’t get upset at what’s below, I KNOW I MISSED A TON OF STUFF AND SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE INCLUDED MUSSO+FRANKS AND DAN TANA’S. But again, if you have a friend in from out of town, you’re not going to give him a Jonathan-Gold-sized list of a 100 places to try, you’ll give him the faves. Here are mine.

COFFEE

The Maru in Los Feliz has been reduced to little more than a pile of memes on their insufferable lines and level of doucheness, but the one downtown is much quieter and their green iced tea (along with allll coffee drinks) really are some of the best in town.

Camel Coffee is a Korean newcomer across from the Vista Theater in Silverlake, and their signature drink involving espresso poured over ice and topped with milk and sweet cream is truly unbeatable.

Destroyer is a bit far-flung in the depth of Culver City, but it is the light-bite sibling of the city’s most infamous tasting menu, Vespertine. Go for breakfast or lunch and be blown away by everything on the menu.

Telegrama’s coffee is solid but their blueberry pancake is the best I’ve ever had. Anywhere.

If you are a coffee purist, look no further than Endorffeine who only serves two types of coffee, a single shot of espresso and a chilled glass of cold brew, with a warning at the door that they have no milk or sweeteners on the premises. The premises consisting of a spartan storefront in Chinatown run by a former chemist and his sister, closed on the weekends due to the stress of performing for too many customers. This place is special. In the best possible way.

BURGERS

The best burger joints in LA are time traveling portholes, from counters still offering “hand-tipped” shakes (Pie n’ Burger in Pasadena), to the iconic decor of The Apple Pan where each burger on the menu has its date of inception alongside it (go for the more recent Hickory burger, from 1947). Don’t miss out on Bill’s Burgers deep in the Valley, straight out of a Tarantino or P.T. Anderson film. And a special shout out to Amboy Burgers in Chinatown that acknowledges some people like their burgers smashed, others don’t, and you shouldn’t have to travel to a different establishment for one or the other, after all they are all simply made of ground beef.

JAPANESE/KOREAN

On the high-end of the spectrum there’s Asanebo in the Valley, Sushi Zo in Culver City (though sadly a mini-chain now), and Sushi Park in West Hollywood. If you’re not from the States and want to be blown away with “everyday” sushi, find yourself your closest branch of Sugarfish or their handroll sister chain, Kazu Nori. It blows my mind that every city in the world doesn’t have a version of this. Fresh, delicious, inexpensive, and fast. It’s perfect.

For a Japanese iza-kaya experience, head to Tsubaki in Echo Park. If there’s a Dodgers game that day, make it a double header and go there after the game to celebrate. They also have an exceptional bar with little bites next door.

Lastly, I haven’t been to its latest incarnation, but one of the best meals I ever had anywhere was at Baroo, an experimental Korean restaurant very keen on fermentation. I realize when most of those words are combined into one sentence, it doesn’t make for the best sell, but trust me, this place is amazing. And I’ve heard that in their bigger-and-badder incarnation, they have risen even higher.

PIZZA

I’ll make this real simple. When I lived in LA a lifetime ago, there was no good pizza in town. Us East Coasters moaned and groaned, and the locals’ usual answer to our whining was “we actually have money left over after rent to buy a real meal”. Well, no part of that statement is true anymore. From transplants like NY’s Roberta’s and Phoenix’s Pizza Bianco to hometown heroes Jon And Vinny’s, there’s an exceptional pie to be had in every corner of town. But the only pie worth traveling across oceans for is Echo Park’s very special Quarter Sheets. Yes, it’s deep dish, Detroit-influenced, but it is unlike anything you’ve ever had. It is nothing short of flawless, as are the desserts and everything else on the menu. Beware, you must reserve in advance, and even order take-out first thing in the morning with an allotted time-slot, all designed to alleviate the hordes of people that descend on this mecca of gluten.

BAKERIES

My favorite category and the hardest to whittle down…On the East Side is the exceptional sandwich shop and bakery, Bub and Grandma. Avoid the weekends, and always feel free to walk up to their window for a loaf of their sesame bread and a donut to go. Otherwise, go inside for the best meatloaf or tuna fish sandwich (besides Palace Diner!) .

Even further east—this will be a real field trip—is the hard to define Yang’s Kitchen in the more undefinable city of Alhambra. But the shlep is worth it. You must try their mochi cornmeal pancake, the smoked salmon belly hash, and make sure to wash it down with the greatest drink of all time, ever, anywhere, the Oolong Fresca.

A few years ago the New York Times arrogantly wrote that LA now had better bagels than NY. Not sure who wrote that article, but I know they got taken down a peg in the comments section. It was an idiotic statement, because any corner shop in NY could outmatch 99.99% of the bagels on the west coast. But there remains that 0.01%, which is where Courage Bagels come in. They are undoubtedly the best bagels ever, anywhere (but I regret to say, one place alone cannot define a city’s entire offerings). Not to be repetitive, but go early, avoid the weekends, and know that even if there are only four people ahead of you, you will wait 20 minutes for your order. And that order should be a sesame seed bagel with salmon roe and a “simply delicious” (paper-thin smoked salmon, olive oil, pepper, lemon and capers) on everything bagel. My secret here is to go the last day of my trip, en route to the airport, and order a dozen bagels to go. Immediately upon my return to Paris, I follow Kenji Lopez Alt’s instructions for freezing and re-heating the bagels. I ration them out like cigarettes in solitary, and even a couple months later, if properly stored and heated, they taste just as good and bring me back to my happy place.

Despite the endless lines, the endless social media posts, the incessant horrible traffic jam on the corner, Republique’s breakfast and lunch offerings are still some of the best in town. I’ve studied their french toast for days on end trying to get the same mixture of fluffy and crispy on mine to no avail, their granola to-go is a damn good souvenir of your time spent in town, and if you are feeling like a hardy start to the day, their Kimchi fried rice with braised short rib is beyond. In fact just looking up their menu to write this up is making me drool.

Over on the West Side of town, there are two shining stars. On the traditional end of the spectrum is Huckleberry on the northern end of Santa Monica. It feels like a small-town bakery done right, and for a while it would be a final destination before LAX to get myself some turkey meatballs and a pastry for the flight home.

Finally, Gjusta is one of those game-changers that a decade in, still defines a time and a place. A Venice stronghold, it ticks off all the boxes. First-rate pastries and lunch dishes, a mixed-grain porridge waffle that is the ultimate combination of incredibly healthy and sinfully decadent, plenty of tanned people without jobs sipping $10 coffees in the middle of a weekday without a worry in the world while homeless encampments are erected and eradicated on daily basis just outside the patio’s bucolic confines. Definitely stock up on their olive oils, rosemary-dusted marcona olives, and other pantry goods in what little extra space is left in your luggage.

TACOS/MEXICAN

The debate over the best taco stand/cart/truck is so great that I dare not wade into these waters. From Gish Bac and Villa’s Tacos to La Azteca and that truck on Rose, there are too many great ones to name. And I’m going to get in a lot of hot water for this, but I’d sooner take a 2 hour drive and just go straight to La Super Rica in Santa Barbara for the day and feast on their tacos de rajas.

FOR A LOVELY DINNER…

I realize most of the places I’ve written up close after lunch. Perhaps I’ve focused on these because I prefer to cook dinner at home with all the loot from the farmer’s market (another reason to stay at Chateau Marmont in a room with a built-in kitchen or a dear friend’s guest house!), but there are two really special places to go come night fall.

On the East Side of town, one of my favorite restaurants anywhere is Hippo. Run by the former chef of the iconic Mozza, the pastas reign supreme, though every dish is a banger. But that’s not why I keep coming back to Matt Molina’s table. It’s the feeling in the room. The staff is so unbelievably friendly you’d think they were actually unaware they were working in the hospitality industry in the mid-20s. The clientele are mostly repeat customers from the neighborhood and everyone is sporting a smile rather than a stare or a scowl, which only adds to the glow of the space and its unique positioning in the LA food scene. People here are happy.

On the West Side, Evan Funke has created an empire in the days since he founded Felix, but the original still hits the spot, time and time again, and is lightyears better than his other places that feel way too Vegas. The hand-rolled pastas are legendary, the focaccia better than most in Italy, and the drinks all pack a lovely punch. Yes, it’s still hard to score a table, but go early, or eat at the bar if you must, you won’t be disappointed.

OKAY! THAT’S IT! Sorry there’s no comments section, you’ll have to vent elsewhere about the fact that I didn’t include Randy’s Donuts.

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